When You Pay My Bills, You Can Tell Me What To Do

I've seen and heard a very interesting sentiment expressed a few times in the past months from several different folks. It is summarized as, "When you pay my bills, you can tell me what to do..." In fact, as a teenager and even an adult, I have lived this to its fullest. I chose to leave my parents house at 16, mainly on the idea that I wanted to do as I wanted to do. My parents weren't even all that strict, I mostly just wanted to be 'on my own'. Even as an adult, I have often been independent to the extreme of not wanting to ask for or accept any help from family or friends, because it might mean that later they felt they had some right to become involved in my 'business.'

As a parent I find myself repeating that too often invoked line "This is my house, I pay the bills" or its close cousin "As long as you're in my house, you will do as I say." What do I hope to engender in my children except that same seed of rebellion that quietly whispers to itself, "Well, when I pay the bills, I'll do as I dang well please." So this so called 'independent' spirit sewn into my life spreads by reaction into the lives of others. It like other influences is a cycle that flows on as if it had an existence of its own.

I have no judgement for anybody who feels this way (except for myself), only a heartfelt concern that they will find, as I have through life's harsh experience, that this extreme bent toward independence is at its heart a negative reaction to authority in any form AND has deeper affect throughout our lives and relationships. This includes our relationships as children & teenagers with everyone, as adults with our parents, as spouses with our mates, as workers with our supervisors, as parents with our children,as leaders with our organizations, and even as friends with those who are there for us through even this kind of frustration. Every bit of conflict essentially arises from a battle of will (or will not.)

Consider that almost every negative interaction you've ever had with anybody is based on your independent spirit striving to express a rejection of their authority over you ~ if not it is the other side where you are trying to impose your will (even for good purposes) on an overly independent spirit. You can't tell me what to do, what gives you the right. This is the human condition of rebellion bubbling to the surface to burn each of us and anyone close enough to get the splatter of such bile.

So let me say that I became convicted of this flaw in my character by hearing others express it aloud in words. Seeing it in action in so many different ways in my life and the lives of others AND MOREOVER its negative impact has convinced me that the independent spirit (as American as apple pie) is an expression of a rebellious heart. Don't get me wrong here, it is good to be yourself, it is good to be free of poor influences and unaffected by the pressure of others telling you to do things that will harm you or them. But let me submit to you that extreme independence, as a rejection of any authority over your life, is a negative reaction which holds only negative results.

I am convinced we should realize that our actions are never independent, not of consequence and affect to ourselves or anyone around us. What we think, feel, say and do becomes the life we lead and impacts us and everyone we are in contact with. This is true whether we choose to admit it or not.

The most important relationship, which an independent (rebellious) spirit creates difficulties in, is that with our Creator and our Savior. So in my own heart as I struggled with the value of independence and why I should be free to do as I like, because I in fact pay the bills - I encountered a very interesting verse in the Bible. Ephesians 1:7 which says we have **redemption through the blood of Christ, **redemption from our sins by His grace to us.

I honed in on **redemption almost immediately on reading the verse. Thinking,'but what does that mean?' In the original Greek (ἀπολύτρωσις) it is a combination word ~ apo-ly-tro-usis. 'Apo' meaning to seperate or divide from, 'lytrousis' being a further compound form from 'lyo', 'tro(n)', '[u]sis'. ' Lyo' (or modernized 'Luo') meaning to loose, set free or unbind. 'Tron' being an instrument or means of doing something. And 'usis' being a process or affect. So redemption is giving of some thing to bring about separation from being bound ~ it is more appropriately and clearly said 'paying a ransom to secure release from.' That is to say Christ's blood was a ransom paid to free us from sins.

It is an undeserved, unmerited, invaluable ransom which I could never have paid for myself. Notice I said ransom not gift. It is a debt marked on me by sin and tallied up with my name on it. A debt which I can never pay, BUT one for which payment is demanded. With all my hard work, skills, and abilities, I can never earn enough to write that check (it'll bounce for sure if I try.) Hmmm... HE PAYS MY BILLS! Does that make you feel as if you should rebel against His authority in your life OR as if you are loved beyond measure with a desire to seek His will for you? I think the answer to this question is the answer of whether or not you are 'in His house' or choosing to be out on your own.

May the greatest most powerful authority of all be the One to which we submit and may His grace and loving mercy draw us to be submitted to His will for our lives. May the blood of Christ be the ransom for your sin that gives you freedom to serve His kingdom.